The sister

She was completely sinking into the memories of her recent past that had thoroughly bedraggled her from the defiled gratitude and embarrassment, unpleasing as it had always been. She felt as if her otherwise weighty and trenchant words had turned hollow and pompous that provoked not a thoughtful attentiveness but a carefree rowdy laughter in her a audience causing her to believe that her remarks were rather absurd than witty. She smelled the scent of mockery in the air she breathed while in an auditorium hall. After she was done with messed up speech, as she believed it was, she found the audience clasping their hands to produce the sound of derision at her shaky, erroneous and empty rhetoric. Her conscience was decisively invaded by the robust discomfort that ruled her every instinct. It was beyond her ability to escape the scheduled speech and had became too unyielding for her capacity to push away those elusive scenes that kept haunting her mind incessantly. All the time while she was uttering her words on ‘societal awareness’, her mind was murmuring with her self the disgust it met.
Mind- broken, for heartbroken she hadn’t long been, she left the hall as soon as she got finished, walked the quirky steps down the alley and entered the same sparsely visited archaic museum that had two galleries; one with images and the other with idols of rare qualities but very few in frequency. She entered the one with the idols for it had enough cozy space to lye down comfortably and without much disciplinary awareness. She rested her bag and climbed up on her usual seat by the side of the window that was aesthetically craved and shrewdly perforated to form an interesting pattern. From that window she stared outside and was again forced to watch the same diabolic picture that kept haunting her since the day before. Tired she was, she got even more for much of her energy was vested on the stretching of her cerebral muscles. The tension produced was shockingly enormous. However, she still was enduring it for she could not drain it out of her mind. It had been a long time that she had sheded tears and it seemed totally awkward to her about the idea of doing so. Anxiety had hardened her face and turned her body stiff. Vague and bizarre emotions had turned her judgmental conscience defunct.
She was stigmatized by the nature of bond she shared with that other lady. She forgot everything about what was right and what was wrong, what was amorous and what was not. She was blown away by that unruly tempest of ignorance. She didn’t mourned at her looted conscience for she didn’t had enough consciousness left for it. Anger and agony had shrouded her completely and she saw nothing except what that shroud constituted of. Though the view they held were way too harsh, her eyes still kept blooming with that regular kind feelings. Her decisive mode of presence was her unique and interesting feature that caught the passerbies' sight. No visitor would pass by without having at least a cursory inspection of her being. Her perturbation and inner commotion had turned her visage even more beautiful; she looked even more enthralling without that fatal smile, might be because the anger was genuine, true, just and in accord with the emotions she was filled with. The naive wrath of hers had colored her face pink and the intensity of the hue kept changing with the switching of the scenes, of the pictures from mild to devastating. The pictures of her elder sister, of that guy and of both being together, few that were and few she imagined that might have been kept projecting themselves incessantly in the screen of her mind. The images were ruthlessly itching her mind and eating her wisdom. At one moment, she felt as if to go straightly upto her sister and slap hard on her bony cheeks and at the other moment to again go up to her and embrace her so tight that she might end of crushing herself and remind her to stop short the blunder she was uprising. However, at every moment she thought of not letting her beautiful and intelligent sister debase her majestic aura by melting along with the essence of such lowly, subordinate creature. Her brown, deep almond eyes, his pale, nerved, bulging ones; her smooth and slightly concave small nose, his bulky and sufficiently convex nose with big nostrils; her finely shaped thin pink lips, his twisted, thick and blued ones; her spacious forehead and his congested one; her jolly, majestic face and his bourgeois, wrathful one; her round and elegant neck, his irregular and lengthy one- the one like of an ostrich; her feminine curvy stature and his not masculine and quite incongruous one; her thin long sensual legs and his short flabby and disproportioned ones; her dignified conduct and his reckless one; she kept gauging the compatibility factor between her sister’s belongings and the guy’s and every time the result she incurred was null. She found absolutely no trace of compatibility between the two of them. She didn’t even realized what it was to be biased and what it was to be just; what was true and what was exaggerated. She actually had no desire to have realized. She saw things near and far, right and left, clearly but in a way she wished to rather than they actually were. It wasn’t the projections she saw of the things that were; it was actually she saw before her the projections of the pictures that were in her psyche. And not all the images in her psyche matched the real pictures. She could in no way imagine the guy and her lady together; she was determined not to. Her determination was so firm, so solid that it should break down only with the breaking down of her own.
The heat from the vigorous reactions her emotions were undergoing made her sweat severely. The gentle wind blowing through the window made her wet self feel cold. Without a second thought, she took out from her bag the remaining last long and thin cigarette stick, smoked it and blew the thick fumes out of her nostrils. She felt a bit composed and appeared a bit discomposed. Her stiff and motionless body started making the moves. After a while, she was alarmed by the alarm she had mistakenly set on her cell phone to buzz at 5 p.m. instead of 5 a.m. It was also the time for the museum to be closed. She gently lifted her self, got down the seat, wore her straw-weaved slippers, picked her bag up, carried it on the right shoulder alone and made her still not awakened feet move briskly towards her abode gazing at those very pictures which kept manifesting themselves in the screen of her mind..

Inspiration..

“Oops!! Oh God! What the hell you want outa me !!! “ My impetuous anger burst out exactly in such manner. That was the first time I had been entrapped in such a predicament where one could hardly discern the door to escape, so far as my memory is concerned. My mom feeds me two pieces of almond everyday, however I've still not recuperated from the illness of forgetfulness..ohh..sorry sorry I don't meant to mislead you by confessing all these. Don't get too much inquisitive about the genuineness of my story here. Be sure what I am sharing with you is truly authentic. To the worst I might get jumped over some moments. Yeah, I find this incident that happened to me lasting for eras and eras. Such was the impression he casted on me. It had been few minutes I was standing aside the door in the outside veranda of library when he reckoned to me. He said “hi” and I confused and bemused lately replied “hello”. I guess I was vivid pink at the time. I slowly raised my eyes and got acquainted with his features. He was seemingly tall with his Lin figure , may be between 5 '8' and 5'9'. His dusky skin tone suited him well. Yaar...he was a good looking hunk. I liked him secretly, though pretended to ignore him. For a time I became unaware of my condition. Suddenly the passive dilemma activated and I was again intoxicated by the pain of it when he curiously asked me about my standing there just so. I said I was waiting for the rain to recede. Though I knew it was not going to happen soon. The rain had just started and seemed to get more intense with the time passing by. The library was closed at 4:00 pm and it was already 4:17 in my watch. Most of the guys and girls had already moved on. Moreover the scenario appeared 7 at the 4. I was incessantly driven into the agony.
“I've got an Umbrella . I don't mind sharing it with you...if you don't mind...”
His words became my panacea. The pain existed no more. I nodded and we headed. It was nearly impossible to find the public vehicles in that place. There's no usual route for micros and you are very much fortuitous if you could catch a taxi there. So its a need to walk for more than 20 minutes to get the bus. Thank god he too shall walk for nearly same time to get in his place which he said was quite near to the bus station. However he would still have escorted me to to the station though he didn't had to walk that much; he was the sort of that. I could feel. Just when we were out of the USEF's compound , it was he again who woke up the words. He asked me my name. I said 'sudha'. I thought I sounded a bit distinct, some what eccentric. I don't know why but I do feel so. It had never been so easy for me to pronounce my name, though my dad once told me that my name was short , simple and easy to pronounce, yet possessed a profoundly beautiful meaning and that's why he opted for this one. Anyway let it go. I could never find the reason behind my difficulty...I guess. May be it does happens to everyone. But contradicting my thought , he answered me eloquently “Nitin” in a heavy air of attitude. It was a positive one, he was extremely honest in his way. I asked him about the test he was appearing . He told me that he was preparing for the SAT and hadn't registered the test yet. He further added that he had just appeared the final examination of the grade 12 . Ahh....I breathed a long breath. Finally I could manage the whole lot of comfort for myself. He was junior to me :) .And now the coin altered; it was I who inflamed the conversation. With my newly gained comfort , I asked him in a regal tone “ so what are you thinking to do? ..what's your plan? “
“going to US.”
“hey..I could know that ..I was asking about your future plan..about what you wanna study there?”
“of course film-making. You know I love watching movies as well. I spent every weekend watching five movies to the least. You know, but I'm quite sure one day I'll make better films than those I've watched. I will.”

He said it with an astounding confidence. Though, I remain unamazed. The scene was not new to me . It was my own faded picture in a revived version that was stirring me up with the repeated use of “you know” and “I will”. Few involuntary drops of water roll down through my eyes. Believe me they were not tears; I didn't meant to roll them down. Still they were conspicuous in my eyes. He was suddenly jabbed by the pain he perceived in my eyes and hastily departing from the beautiful world of dreams and accomplishments asked me why I was crying. I assured him that I wasn't crying by saying that some sort of loess or insect entered my eyes. He took out the handkerchief from his pocket and looked for that unavailable extraneous entity in my eyes. He could find nothing. He then kept back the handkerchief in his pocket and asked me ,“ You're feeling okay??”
“Yeah..”
I was swept away by the unruly Tsunami of fear and emotions in a land uncanny to this world yet normal to me. However I could still manage the sort of normal look for this paranormal world and reacted as if nothing happened to me. But I forgot where we were in the midst of conversation. Thankfully I heard him talking to me “Are you alrite now?”
“Yes, yes I am.” I answered in a fine tone. I hoped he was completely assured then. Nonetheless a slight inkling of discomfort was still there tinkling in his visage.
“Which movie actor you like then?” I asked him in an effort to normality.
“Robin Williams..you know he is superb in Dead Poets Society..you watched the movie ??”
Now I was relieved . That insane discomfort had vanished from his face. In fact he seemed really excited.

“Nah..but will watch it for sure. Robin Williams is my favorite too.” I replied .

It might seem weired but I admit, within some minutes I became overly fond of him. The platonic love intensified in a rapid speed; might be because our weariness was compatible or our eccentricity deviated in a same direction. Though I couldn't discern exactly what it was that intensified the flame, I am more than sure, it was a kind and beautiful soul that set on the fire. Soon we reached the station. I was not willing to accept this one..though had to. I caught the bus, went inside and sat aside the window. He was there outside,and then only we exchanged good-byes. He seem to abhor this moment. A clear distaste was explicit in his face, however he could still manage a smile. I was stabbed . Trust me he had a killing smile!! The bus moved . I took out the book named “You can win” by Shiva Khera from my bag, holded it on for some seconds and kept it back; thought will not need it onwards. I then closed my eyes...

No, no my dear don't leave me alone..
I can't let you go,
Instead,come and hold me on your arms tight
and that will be the safest of my all nights
Yeah, complete security inside the fortress of my own faith
of my own sleeping consciousness..
where no next can enter and disinter my buried self...
where the chances are zero for the agitation of this intoxication
so please consider my supplication...never let my fear rule me;
I am absolutely harmonized by the songs of your sarcasms
and perfectly entertained by the several forms of your character
My god! how beautifully you crave the lies
I must say you are the greatest of all artists my dear..
the full-on entertainer of this era
and you tell me how could I be detached from you hmm??